Cooking, cleaning, laundry, sitting near the window, homework, bathroom, going to bed. These are some of the areas where the loss of our cat Salem will nock us to the floor with grief. Salem was suck an important aspect in Andrew and my daily lives, one which was under appreciated until he was gone.
During these past few weeks Andrew and I have gone through the grieving process mostly alone. The adaptations we each have had to make to our routine has given each of us something difficult to handle. Salem was always a part of our daily activities. Even though I know Salem won’t come a running when I open a door to see what I’m doing, I will automatically start thinking that I need to hurry so I won’t accidentally shut him in a closet. This breaks my heart a new almost every day.
The pain and agony has eased a little bit. I am now starting to regain my drive to get things done. During the past few weeks I have let everything go, except my physical health for the sake of my unborn son. Just in the past few days I have started managing my apartment and my social life. My homework has suffered greatly but I now feel motivated to do it so I can support Aidan in the near future. My life is slowly coming together as I prepare myself to climb out of my grief to face the world. A world that I don’t want to face yet, but will for the sake of my unborn son.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
week 12 (1)
List.
Dishes, laundry, prepare lunch, plan dinner, clean the church, take out trash, call mom, do homework. The continuing list echoing through her head. Clean bathroom, vacuum living room, change light bulb, wash windows.
Slowly the items on the list trickle way. Dishes done, trash in dumpster, tub scrubbed. The clock ticks faster. 10:00, 11:30. Time to prepare lunch and eat. 1:00, lunch dishes done. Scrub counter, vacuum living room, change light bulb, 2:00. Walk to church, clean two small section of church, 4:00. Where is the day going?
Get home, cook dinner, 6:00. Start homework, 8:00.
Oh, where has the day gone again? There is still stuff on the list to do, and some things are only half done. Have to complete the list tomorrow along with tomorrow's stuff. Another long day to look forward to.
Dishes, laundry, prepare lunch, plan dinner, clean the church, take out trash, call mom, do homework. The continuing list echoing through her head. Clean bathroom, vacuum living room, change light bulb, wash windows.
Slowly the items on the list trickle way. Dishes done, trash in dumpster, tub scrubbed. The clock ticks faster. 10:00, 11:30. Time to prepare lunch and eat. 1:00, lunch dishes done. Scrub counter, vacuum living room, change light bulb, 2:00. Walk to church, clean two small section of church, 4:00. Where is the day going?
Get home, cook dinner, 6:00. Start homework, 8:00.
Oh, where has the day gone again? There is still stuff on the list to do, and some things are only half done. Have to complete the list tomorrow along with tomorrow's stuff. Another long day to look forward to.
week 12 (2)
sick cat
Puking sounds erupt from behind the chair. Worry and dread permeates the household. Salem the cat is sick. He has been puking since the night before. His owners thought he may have worms so they gave him a dose of de-wormer medication. That hasn’t yielded any results yet.
His female owner has tried to get him to eat and drink something. To the owners knowledge Salem hasn’t eaten or drank in three days. The female came up with an idea to get him to eat. She dug through the freezer and found a box of vanilla ice cream. She grabbed a spoon and scooped out half a tea spoon of ice cream.
The male owner took the spoon and held it for Salem to eat. Salem ate the ice cream. Jubilation bounced off the walls. Fear and sadness followed an hour later as Salem threw up again.
The female tried again to get him to eat. She brought in a glass of water and a tea spoon. She patted Salem and managed to get three tea spoons of water down his throat. All that is left for the owners to do is to wait and see if he throws up again.
Puking sounds erupt from behind the chair. Worry and dread permeates the household. Salem the cat is sick. He has been puking since the night before. His owners thought he may have worms so they gave him a dose of de-wormer medication. That hasn’t yielded any results yet.
His female owner has tried to get him to eat and drink something. To the owners knowledge Salem hasn’t eaten or drank in three days. The female came up with an idea to get him to eat. She dug through the freezer and found a box of vanilla ice cream. She grabbed a spoon and scooped out half a tea spoon of ice cream.
The male owner took the spoon and held it for Salem to eat. Salem ate the ice cream. Jubilation bounced off the walls. Fear and sadness followed an hour later as Salem threw up again.
The female tried again to get him to eat. She brought in a glass of water and a tea spoon. She patted Salem and managed to get three tea spoons of water down his throat. All that is left for the owners to do is to wait and see if he throws up again.
week 12 (3)
Conversations with females.
1. The Sigh. Men, if a woman sighs during a conversation it is a high possibility that you just said something she doesn’t agree to. The sigh can be very obvious or barely audible. If the sigh has escaped her lips you are now if for the disagreement of your life.
2. Downcast Eyes. If a woman won’t look you in the eyes after a comment you probably just hit her insecurity button without realizing it. The comment could have been something trivial to you but devastating to her. This is a hard situation to back out of, and unless you know her pretty well don’t try to back track. If you don’t know her well and try to fix the comment you are only going to make the situation worse. But don’t ignore her. Try a different conversation topic.
3. Big Eye Inhalation. This is usually the worse thing that can happen during a conversation for men. If a woman’s eyes get big and she inhales a big breath of air you better be prepared to shut up and listen to what she has to say. Woman do not like to be interrupted during these moments and want to get everything said and out in the open. Just listen. It will save you from a huge argument.
If these small signs are watched for in a conversation, men can almost eliminate the uncomfortable moments with a woman. Good luck in future conversations!
1. The Sigh. Men, if a woman sighs during a conversation it is a high possibility that you just said something she doesn’t agree to. The sigh can be very obvious or barely audible. If the sigh has escaped her lips you are now if for the disagreement of your life.
2. Downcast Eyes. If a woman won’t look you in the eyes after a comment you probably just hit her insecurity button without realizing it. The comment could have been something trivial to you but devastating to her. This is a hard situation to back out of, and unless you know her pretty well don’t try to back track. If you don’t know her well and try to fix the comment you are only going to make the situation worse. But don’t ignore her. Try a different conversation topic.
3. Big Eye Inhalation. This is usually the worse thing that can happen during a conversation for men. If a woman’s eyes get big and she inhales a big breath of air you better be prepared to shut up and listen to what she has to say. Woman do not like to be interrupted during these moments and want to get everything said and out in the open. Just listen. It will save you from a huge argument.
If these small signs are watched for in a conversation, men can almost eliminate the uncomfortable moments with a woman. Good luck in future conversations!
Theme 11
“Andrew? Hunny?” I called out in the darkness. I stood in the door way with my pregnancy test in hand. “You awake?” Grumbling reached my ears from the direction of the bed. “It’s positive, Drew.”
One week previous…
“Andrew, please don’t get to excited yet,” I pleaded. “I’m not sure if I’m pregnant or not. I just got a good feeling about it. Please wait a few more days to see if my period starts. I don’t want to disappoint you again.”
“Alright, I won’t,” Andrew promised. His words and his face said two different things. His face said he was already imagining holding our sleeping baby while kissing its tiny fingers.
Four days later my period still hadn’t started. Andrew and I took the awaited trip to Save-a-Lot, located in Dover Foxcroft to buy a pregnancy test. The pregnancy test came to a whopping total of a $1.05, the cheapest test I have ever bought. Mom had reassured me for hours that even though it was cheap it would still provide the same results. Then the waiting began again.
According to the box, the best time to take the test was in the morning. Andrew and I went to bed that night with apprehension at what results we would get. It took me along time to fall asleep.
At four o’clock in the morning my bladder couldn’t take it anymore. I wrestled my way free of the blankets and made my way to the bathroom. I silently prayed that the test would yield accurate results even though it wasn’t technically morning yet. I didn’t know if the test was going to be prejudice because it wasn’t the accurate time.
I followed the other directions on the box, then stood over the test with my eyes glued to where the bars where to appear. The first line showed up instantly, like it usually does. The purple color spread across the results window slowly. Panic gripped me as fear set in for another negative result. Then, ever so faintly a second line began to appear. My heart began to jump into my throat at the realization that this was not another failed attempt.
“Andrew? Hunny?” I called out in the darkness. I stood in the door way with my pregnancy test in hand. “You awake?” Grumbling reached my ears from the direction of the bed. “It’s positive, Drew.”
“What did you say?” Andrew asked, fully awake now. Rustling came from the direction of the bed followed by the click of the lamp switch. Light flooded the dark room, temporarily blinding me.
“The test is positive.” I said again, excitement creeping into my voice. “We are going to have a baby.” Andrew flew out of bed and came to stand beside me. I held the test out for him to see. He stared at it for minutes without saying anything. Then he began to jump up and down with excitement.
“I’m gonna call your mom and tell her the good news!” Andrew exclaimed as he took off for the phone.
I sat on the bed to wait to hear my moms squeal clear in the other room over the phone. We were going to finally have a baby. Not another false call. Mom’s squeals erupted over the phone, and I went in to the other room to celebrate with them.
One week previous…
“Andrew, please don’t get to excited yet,” I pleaded. “I’m not sure if I’m pregnant or not. I just got a good feeling about it. Please wait a few more days to see if my period starts. I don’t want to disappoint you again.”
“Alright, I won’t,” Andrew promised. His words and his face said two different things. His face said he was already imagining holding our sleeping baby while kissing its tiny fingers.
Four days later my period still hadn’t started. Andrew and I took the awaited trip to Save-a-Lot, located in Dover Foxcroft to buy a pregnancy test. The pregnancy test came to a whopping total of a $1.05, the cheapest test I have ever bought. Mom had reassured me for hours that even though it was cheap it would still provide the same results. Then the waiting began again.
According to the box, the best time to take the test was in the morning. Andrew and I went to bed that night with apprehension at what results we would get. It took me along time to fall asleep.
At four o’clock in the morning my bladder couldn’t take it anymore. I wrestled my way free of the blankets and made my way to the bathroom. I silently prayed that the test would yield accurate results even though it wasn’t technically morning yet. I didn’t know if the test was going to be prejudice because it wasn’t the accurate time.
I followed the other directions on the box, then stood over the test with my eyes glued to where the bars where to appear. The first line showed up instantly, like it usually does. The purple color spread across the results window slowly. Panic gripped me as fear set in for another negative result. Then, ever so faintly a second line began to appear. My heart began to jump into my throat at the realization that this was not another failed attempt.
“Andrew? Hunny?” I called out in the darkness. I stood in the door way with my pregnancy test in hand. “You awake?” Grumbling reached my ears from the direction of the bed. “It’s positive, Drew.”
“What did you say?” Andrew asked, fully awake now. Rustling came from the direction of the bed followed by the click of the lamp switch. Light flooded the dark room, temporarily blinding me.
“The test is positive.” I said again, excitement creeping into my voice. “We are going to have a baby.” Andrew flew out of bed and came to stand beside me. I held the test out for him to see. He stared at it for minutes without saying anything. Then he began to jump up and down with excitement.
“I’m gonna call your mom and tell her the good news!” Andrew exclaimed as he took off for the phone.
I sat on the bed to wait to hear my moms squeal clear in the other room over the phone. We were going to finally have a baby. Not another false call. Mom’s squeals erupted over the phone, and I went in to the other room to celebrate with them.
Friday, November 7, 2008
week 10
Alright, I did it! I just got done with week 8. Hopefully John will stay on the same schedule so I can get week 9 done tonight before he posts week 10. That would be great. I am going to be caught up finally! Yeah!
I got up from the computer joyfully, and went to sit in my favorite brown chair to watch some T.V. Andrew was gone with his friends again so I had the whole apartment to myself. I plopped myself down, grabbed the gray remote, and pushed the red power button. With a two second delay the T.V. popped on. A hockey game. Wonderful. The only channel I have and hockey is on. I heaved my body out of the chair and crossed the room to my small movie selection.
What to watch, what to watch? I could watch Cinderella again. No, how about Harry Potter? No, the DVD played is sick of those. Not Another Teen Movie? No. Ah, I could watch The Fifth Element again. Alright, that sounds good.
I picked the DVD up, opened the case with a snap, took out the DVD, and put it in the player in the T.V. When I was reseated in my chair I pushed menu and then play on the remote. Salem curled up on the back of my chair and promptly fell asleep, his foot embedded in my neck.
After about an hour of watching the movie I decided I was ready to start again so I could get my work done. I plopped myself in front of the computer, scrolled down my bookmarked pages, and clicked on the link that would take me to my online class work. I waited impatiently for the page to load up while saying a silent prayer.
Oh please let him not post tonight. I want to be caught up again. Oh please, oh please.
As soon as the page loaded up my heart fell. Week 10 was there staring me in the face. All my determination to get caught up blown away. Another week of struggling to get to the computer to do two weeks work of school work loaming in my future.
I closed out of the internet in frustration, and went back to my brown chair to finish the movie.
I got up from the computer joyfully, and went to sit in my favorite brown chair to watch some T.V. Andrew was gone with his friends again so I had the whole apartment to myself. I plopped myself down, grabbed the gray remote, and pushed the red power button. With a two second delay the T.V. popped on. A hockey game. Wonderful. The only channel I have and hockey is on. I heaved my body out of the chair and crossed the room to my small movie selection.
What to watch, what to watch? I could watch Cinderella again. No, how about Harry Potter? No, the DVD played is sick of those. Not Another Teen Movie? No. Ah, I could watch The Fifth Element again. Alright, that sounds good.
I picked the DVD up, opened the case with a snap, took out the DVD, and put it in the player in the T.V. When I was reseated in my chair I pushed menu and then play on the remote. Salem curled up on the back of my chair and promptly fell asleep, his foot embedded in my neck.
After about an hour of watching the movie I decided I was ready to start again so I could get my work done. I plopped myself in front of the computer, scrolled down my bookmarked pages, and clicked on the link that would take me to my online class work. I waited impatiently for the page to load up while saying a silent prayer.
Oh please let him not post tonight. I want to be caught up again. Oh please, oh please.
As soon as the page loaded up my heart fell. Week 10 was there staring me in the face. All my determination to get caught up blown away. Another week of struggling to get to the computer to do two weeks work of school work loaming in my future.
I closed out of the internet in frustration, and went back to my brown chair to finish the movie.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Theme 9
“Will you pass me the cement?” Aunty asked, pointing at the small tin can. I grabbed the can and held it out to her so she could grab the brush. Brush in hand, she turned back to the complicated pipe mosaic that would provide water to her entire trailer. She rubbed the brush on the inside of the pipe joint and connected the pipes together. “There. How about that, huh?”
I smiled a tired smile and placed the cement brush cap back on the tin can. Aunty started handing me left over pipe pieces so I grabbed them and headed back towards the kitchen. We had been working on the plumbing inside the trailer since five in the morning. I looked at the kitchen clock and discovered it was ten thirty. We had been working for seventeen and a half hours with out a proper break. My belly grumbled its complaint for the lack of food. I placed the piping on the kitchen table and looked up at the mirror hanging behind it. My face was covered in pipe dust, with black circles under each eye. My lips had cracked in two places, and my face was a cherry red from the cold.
“I think we did good today,” Aunty called as she stomped into the kitchen. “We did that faster than I thought. Tomorrow we will be able to get up and wrap the pipes under the trailer so they don’t freeze this winter. I’ll turn the heat on so these pipes don’t freeze. That would blow if they froze after all that.”
I smiled a big smile at what my Aunt had to say, but as soon as she turned her back my face feel. Another whole day of hard work. The rumbling sound of the furnace starting up broke into my head, and I hurried over to a register to stand on. The first blast was ice cold, but warm air quickly followed, defrosting me from the toes up.
“If you are hungry there are t.v. dinners in the freezer you can eat.”
I graciously turned to the floor freezer, opened it, and dug through the food choices. I choose a chicken finger dinner to nourish my body for preparation for tomorrow. I inhaled the food once it was hot, and dragged my body to bed with silent tears congealing on my frozen cheeks.
I smiled a tired smile and placed the cement brush cap back on the tin can. Aunty started handing me left over pipe pieces so I grabbed them and headed back towards the kitchen. We had been working on the plumbing inside the trailer since five in the morning. I looked at the kitchen clock and discovered it was ten thirty. We had been working for seventeen and a half hours with out a proper break. My belly grumbled its complaint for the lack of food. I placed the piping on the kitchen table and looked up at the mirror hanging behind it. My face was covered in pipe dust, with black circles under each eye. My lips had cracked in two places, and my face was a cherry red from the cold.
“I think we did good today,” Aunty called as she stomped into the kitchen. “We did that faster than I thought. Tomorrow we will be able to get up and wrap the pipes under the trailer so they don’t freeze this winter. I’ll turn the heat on so these pipes don’t freeze. That would blow if they froze after all that.”
I smiled a big smile at what my Aunt had to say, but as soon as she turned her back my face feel. Another whole day of hard work. The rumbling sound of the furnace starting up broke into my head, and I hurried over to a register to stand on. The first blast was ice cold, but warm air quickly followed, defrosting me from the toes up.
“If you are hungry there are t.v. dinners in the freezer you can eat.”
I graciously turned to the floor freezer, opened it, and dug through the food choices. I choose a chicken finger dinner to nourish my body for preparation for tomorrow. I inhaled the food once it was hot, and dragged my body to bed with silent tears congealing on my frozen cheeks.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
